Year of Yes

  I first received Year of Yes as a gift from 2 of my staff.  I have 22 staff members and they broke into pairs and each pair bought me a book. You can read all of the titles in my post Unexpected and Completely Appreciated.  By far it has been and probably always will be one of the best gifts ever - it showed me just how much my staff knew me and knew what I'd like.

  In that grouping of books I found one I had been wanting to buy for a few months - Year of Yes. I'm a HUGE Shonda fan. I started watching Grey's a few years in (2007 to be exact) thanks to a friend's recommendation and never looked back. We would have TGIT nights in my and my co-workers apartments and I was crushed when Private Practice finally ended. I'm a big Addison lover. Don't even get me started when McSteamy left... ugh! I was a mess for days.

  I knew Shonda was a great writer - how can you not be when you are writing for so many shows - but a book is very different than a tv series. But once again, Shonda showed me how amazing she is and why I love her so.

  What I love most about this book is the style in which she writes. Shonda writes like she's having a personal, 1 on 1 conversation with you. She's telling you the good, the bad and the ugly. For most of the book she asks you not to judge her but does allow it at one point with complete understanding as to why you would.  It's an easy read but at the same time, has to many parts where you may need to put the book down and just reflect on what she just said.

  I am one of those people who a book is everything to me. I was taught at a young age to appreciate books - which means you don't crack a spine, you don't dog ear pages (that's what book marks are for!) and you certainly never, ever write in a book.  But, I did write in this book. Or I should say I underlined... and underlined and underlined.  Shonda wrote in such a way that I felt like she could see into my soul and knew that we were the same person in many ways.

  One piece I could completely relate to - her fear of public speaking. She wrote out a few of her speeches she's given over the years but more importantly to me, she talks about how she got through her fear of speaking in front of others.  As she says "I am not a fan. I get this overwhelming feeling of fear. Terror really. Dry mouth, heart beats super fast, everything gets a little bit slow motion. Like I might pass out. Or die. Or poop my pants or something (pg. 73). Then she goes on to talk about how those things really aren't going to happen. She talks about the moment when she sighs (she says you can see it on the video of her speech) and she lets go. That helped me so much as I was preparing for an upcoming presentation that I was super nervous about.

  Shonda also hits females with some great super positive language and helpful tips. She talks about trying the "Wonder Woman pose" before you start each day. I had a phone interview yesterday and I am not going to lie - I did it in my office before answering the phone. And it did help give me a little more confidence to knock out the interview.

  Most importantly, to me, Shonda talks about self esteem and eating her feelings. With self esteem she focuses on something I've been working with my girls on for the past 7 years - accepting compliments. Many women are taught to turn down a compliment. Example "I like your shirt." Many women will respond with "this old thing?" or "Oh, I just threw it on this morning" or something down putting. Women, according to Shonda (and me) need to learn to just say "thank you," smile and move on. Nothing more needs to be said because when you do, you are negating that person's feelings without realizing it. They took time out of their day to say something nice to you - accept it and move on.

  With eating her feelings - Shonda talks about being veal.  She would just eat until she didn't feel anymore and then she woke up and realized how much it was destroying her life. So many of us eat our feelings and once started, it's hard to break free from. I know this from experience. I personally fell into a bad depression back in 2014 and ate many of my feelings, like Shonda, until I was able to fight back and started getting my life back in order as well as my weight. Shonda keeps it real though and makes sure that the reader understands it wasn't a quick fix or a fad diet. That it was a real struggle to get out of that place as well as get to a new, healthier place in her life.

  The last piece she spoke about which hit me hard was getting rid of toxic friends. She talked about how she had to realize that some people in her life weren't what she thought. She was such a great writer that she actually "wrote them" instead of seeing who they really were. She let a lot of people go from her life during her Year of Yes and it helped her in the long run. This was helpful to me as I've had to do the same over the past 5 years. I've had to really look at the people I was very close with and see some of them for who they truly were.  It doesn't mean they are bad people - they are not. It just means that they weren't the right people for my life at that point or in the future. I will always wish them the best and hope that their lives are good - I just may not want them to be active in my life anymore.

  I loved this book so much that I just ordered a copy to be sent to my best friend of 18 years. I think she needs to hear Shonda's words like I had to hear them and my hope is that it helps her with her struggles as it has helped me. This will definitely be one I re-read again in the future.

Thank you Shonda, for everything!